The Fig Tree

     I went to my girlfriend's house to pick figs.      

     I didn't curse the fig tree like Jesus did in the Bible. When he saw it and it looked like it was full of figs but when he checked it out it didn't have any according to Matthew 21:18 & 19.  No, I cursed the fig tree because it had too many figs and they were all up on the high branches.  I had to stretch and reach way up there to pick them.

     I was reaching up picking my next one, I already had two in my hand when I should have been looking where I was walking.  I stepped on a big round rock.  It rolled right out from under my foot and I flipped upside down, bashoom! It looked like I did a swan dive into the dirt right onto my right shoulder.  On my way down I hit my right wrist on a ladder that was leaning up against the house next to the tree.  It seemed like all this happened in slow motion. 

     I thought I was dying.  I have never known pain like that and I gave birth to two large babies.  I couldn't move, not a little bit. The figs I had in my hand were smushed.  Everyone in the neighborhood knew I had a loud voice because I was screaming for Jesus to HELP me.

     My girlfriend dialed 911. The firehouse/rescue squad was right across the street. In only a few minutes the ambulance was there.  I'm still on the ground screaming.  I looked up and I know if I hadn't been hurting so bad I might have laughed.  There standing before me were two young men, not weight lifters.  I was sort of a heavy old lady (about 245).  There was no way they could pick me up.  I  tried to be rational.  Between screams, I suggested, "You guys are going to need reinforcements!"  (And I swore I would loose weight if I lived.)

    They agreed and called for back-up.  The firehouse was right across the street.  All the paramedics had to do was walk across the street, especially since the ambulance was already here.  But Nooooo, they cranked up the fire truck and drove it with all the lights on and the siren blasting.

     Three of the men lifted me on the left side and the other man held my right shoulder in place so I wouldn't damage it any more.   They got me to my feet and helped me walk to the gurney.  They carefully laid me on the gurney and strapped me down, and hoisted me into the back of the ambulance with the one who was holding my right arm.  He was real cool about all this.  They hauled me away to the hospital.  The paramedic called ahead and advised the ER staff they were coming and to be ready.  That was a real rough trip.

     At the hospital they gave me a shot for pain.  The ER doctor wanted to get a good X-ray of my shoulder and he knew he couldn't if I were in so much pain they couldn't hold my arm out long enough to shoot the picture.  That shot didn't work. 30 minutes later they gave me another shot.  That shot didn't work either.  They didn't even notice my wrist was very black, they were more concerned with my shoulder.

     The ER staff had called Sally when I first arrived and she  got there right after the second shot.  She made a frantic call to her daughter Jody, who just so happened to have been an ER nurse at this hospital for about a year before she moved to the hospital where she now works.  She told Jody what had happened.

     Then they gave me a third shot, morphine.  Not even that would quell the pain in my shoulder. But they did manage to get a few good X-rays.

     Jody called the ER staff and told them who she was and of course they remembered her.  They told her what I damaged and  she told Sally in people terms what was going on and what they were going to do. She also told Sally to leave my room even though the doctor had told her she could stay, Jody insisted for her mom to leave while they put my shoulder back in place.

     I guess Sally was glad to leave.  She seamed so aggravated with me for this happening.  She had a few questions she wanted to ask me but couldn't because I was so incoherent. 

     I went to sleep.  I don't know what they used, but out I went.  When I woke up I was bound up in a shoulder harness and sling, and my wrist was splinted. There wasn't any pain any more.

     Sally called Susie and told here about my mishap. Susie was immediately on her way to Sally's. 

     Sally took me to her house.  Susie arrived shortly after we got there.  I gave her my truck keys. She said her daughter Sara and her boy friend Matt would drive my truck home for me, since it didn't look like I would be driving any time soon.  And the next day they would both take me to see the orthopedic specialist.

     I slept in Sally's recliner. I didn't have any pain. I guess all those shots finally started working.

     The orthopedic doctor got some really good pictures of my shoulder and wrist.  The shoulder was dislocated and fractured, but the ER doctor had actually gotten it to go back in the socket perfectly.  (I said a quiet prayer, Thank you Jesus)  He put a better harness and sling on my shoulder and showed me how to take it off only to get dressed.  And he put a real heavy cast on my arm.

     After all that, Sally and Susie took me home to my cat Solomon.

     I don't eat figs anymore!